Do you fear driving them away?

There’s a reason many people struggle to create strong boundaries in their relationship with their partner.

I’m going to point out why you may be struggling to set boundaries with your partner… and why it’s a good idea to implement boundaries now.

Why You Aren’t Setting Boundaries

If you haven’t set boundaries with your partner, you more than likely don’t have them in other areas of your life as well, such as with family, friends and professional relationships.

The “people pleasers” types seem to struggle the most with setting boundaries with others. Their reasons are commonly one of the following:

• I don’t want to seem like a witch
• I may lose the relationship
• I have a hard time saying no
• I don’t know how to keep up those boundaries

People pleasers are afraid of offending someone or appearing selfish or demanding. They go along to get along, but what’s interesting is that their relationships are no more successful than others.

In fact, people who don’t set boundaries can be deeply unsatisfied in their relationships, namely because their partner may take advantage and walk all over them.

The problem is that people don’t know where the lines are with you: what’s acceptable, what’s not? So, you may need to redefine what “boundaries” really mean, and why they’re a good thing.

If you don’t voice a complaint, they won’t think that you have one. And because most people are busy and caught up with their own concerns, they aren’t going to look at their own behavior and work it out on their own that they may be stepping all over you.

Boundaries are a Gift

If you think of boundaries in a negative way then you will be put off using them since you are a people pleaser. Really you are helping people buy setting boundaries and letting them know how to be around you.

Start Small

When you set boundaries for the first time, it’s going to feel weird. It’s going to take you some time to get used to your new definition of boundaries as being a ‘gift’ and not view it as a bad thing.

So, choose something small. For example, the next time someone asks you to do something and your first thought is “no” but you’re tempted to mouth “yes,” hit the pause button. Then, with a neutral smile, say “No, I’m unable to do that.” You don’t have to make 20 excuses or offer a profuse apology.

Keep practicing when it comes to setting boundaries, and it will soon become second nature.

My best to you in setting your boundaries… and sticking to them.

Would you describe yourself as a “people pleaser?”

Do you feel others frequently take advantage of your good nature?

What would it mean to think of your needs and let others know what your boundaries are?

Please share your thoughts by leaving a comment below.

Wishing you hope and healing for your marriage,

Stephanie Anderson

Editor-in-Chief

Marriage Sherpa